UNANSWERED PRAYER
Why do prayers go unanswered?
For family devotions a child had just read, “you shall ask the Father anything in my Name and He will give it to you”....”no, no that is not true” said the child. “Most of what we and other people ask for in prayer doesn't get answered.” The child was honest in his assessment that most prayers are not answered, at least not in the way we prayed for.
When you think about it most of what we pray for as a believer or as a body of believers do not seem to get the results asked for. How do we dispel the idea that many people have that prayer is just a wishful notion and not a vital connection to God?
I am sure most of us have heard the pat answers given to us by leaders as to why prayers go unanswered and, if you notice, all the reasons point to some lack in the individuals wanting the answer to a prayer.
Here is where some of the blame for unanswered prayer is pointed. Yes it is a fact that the following can and do hinder our prayer, but is there more to be understood than the deficiencies that follow? Is it always the fault of the person needing the answer as to why the answer does not come or is there some higher reason?
Sin:
Unconfessed sin is diffidently a condition that will cause unanswered prayers. The Word of God makes this principle very clear: `If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened'' (Psalm 66:18). Also, ``But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear'' (Isaiah 59:2). The question is, am I so without sin that I can point it out in someone else's life? Could a sin in the person praying prevent the answer? Yes, once we accept Christ has our Savior out sins are forgiven and cast into the sea of His forgetfulness never to be remembered against us any more. When we sin as a believer, we are to confess it, accept His frogiveness without condemination and come boldy to the throne of grace. Our righeousness is as filthy rage and in and of ourselves we could never be "good" enough to deserve answers to our prayers--it's all about God's love and mercy and His blood applied to our hearts that he sees us as worthy to receive from Him.
Unforgiveness:
There is lot of dislike for each other among believers. This is a sad reality. It is also true that many exploit others in many unjust ways. These kind of wrongs hurt people. They find it difficult to forgive. You may find yourself in such a position as this. If you have unforgiveness in your heart then it is definitely an hindrance to prayer.
Jesus made this principle very clear in the Sermon on the Mount: ``Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors'' (Matthew 6:12). And, ``If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift'' (Matthew 5:23,24).
Lack of Persistence:
There is something to be said for persistence in prayer. God is looking for communication with you that is meaningful. Sometimes we are guilty of trying to use God has a genie and only pray when there is a need. We need to talk with God as we talk to a friend, spend time and bask in His presence and become full of Him. This persistence does not mean to keep begging God to answer our prayer, but persist in prayer so that the life of Christ will fill us and flow from us meeting the needs of humanity.
Doubt:
Jesus told us that doubt is an hinderance to prayer. ``If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer'' (Matthew 21:22). Many pray with many words hoping to be heard. Great speeches in prayer never impress God. Many others ask, but doubt while asking. Such doubts destroy your ability to receive answers to prayer.
James has further amplified this principle: ``But when he asks [you ask], he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does'' (James 1:6--8).
Wrong Motives:
God searches the heart2. He understands every motive behind our thoughts. Therefore He refuses to answer prayers that have wrong motives.
But for us understanding motives is not easy. We get it confused easily. It is therefore very difficult for us to distinguish between pure motives and wrong motives. That is why David prayed: ``Search me, O God, and know my heart'' (Psalm 139:23).
When it comes to prayer, wrong motives can easily dominate our praying. Wrong motives usually come as a result of selfishness. This truth is recorded thus: ``When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures'' (James 4:3).
So when you are confronted with unanswered prayer, ask God to search your heart. And when His searchlight reveals some hidden motive which is wrong, confess it to Him and pray with pure motives.
The best way to ensure that the above hindrances to prayer are not a part of our Christian lifestyle is to be in Christ and in a relational relationship with Him so that it is His life that is lived through us. If it is His life that is living through us, the above hindrances will have no hold on our life, and our desire will be for Him to work things out for His glory. As long as we are content with the rules and regulations of the institutional church, rather than a relational journey with Jesus, the hindrances will always be a part of our lives. You cannot dispel them externally by conforming to some constitution. It will only happen as we become full of him and He lives His life through us. If the “church” you attend encourages this relational journey, then thank God for it.
The list, I am sure, could go on, but I want to look at some other reasons why our prayers may not be answered.
How are we to deal with the multitude of unanswered prayers? Are we praying with the wrong motive, the wrong attitude, dare I ask, are we praying with a lack of understanding of what prayer is about? Is it that We are not abiding in Him and His words are not abiding in us?
Yes, I believe that there are prayers that God will not answer. If there are prayers that God will not answer and we pray for an answer to that prayer, we are guilty of breeding a fatalistic attitude about prayer! We have the inclination to pray for needs and hope for the best. When the best does not happen many people play the blame game. “Whose fault was it that my prayer was not answered?” God did not put the above reasons in the Bible so blame could be laid on somebody. He is lovingly letting us know that theses things are a hindrance to answered prayer and to examine ourselves. We must pray from a place of abiding in Him and He in us; then we will pray His will and He will answer.
Suppose you went to your “minister” and asked him to pray for a situation and his response was “I can't pray for you in the way you want me to.” Well you ask...”what kind of situation would I ask the pastor to pray for that he would not be able to pray with me?”
In most, if not all, cases, I have not heard pastors refuse to pray for a request that is made to them. Maybe they too, do not have a understanding what prayer is about.
Let's look at this situation: Your 18 year old son comes to you and relates that he is moving out of your house and moving into an apartment with his girlfriend. You go to your pastor and fill him in on the situation and asked that he will agree in prayer with you that God will stop your son from doing this sinful deed.
I can understand why you want God to stop him from doing that. I’m wondering, however, that if the pastor prays that way if he will be asking God to violate someone’s will and isn't that more to do with witchcraft than prayer? Would it not be more inline with the will of God to pray that He would reveal himself to your son and let him see clearly the choice he is making. And to pray that God would show you how to trust Him and love your son even if he makes the stupidest mistake of his young life.
Most of the time when prayer requests are offered in a meeting it is usually just before the preacher comes on or after the sermon is over when people are tired. A host of requests are made. Then one person, or a handful of people offer quick prayers until they are all covered. There doesn’t even seem to be much concern in the ensuing days whether God does what was asked of Him or not. “Sometimes He just says no,” we say, shrugging our shoulders in resignation.
Is it proper to pray for things that are not in sync with God’s heart, or we know is not is will? While the exercise of prayer itself may offer some comfort for the moment, doesn't it teach people to try to use God like a genie in a bottle? Warning lights should go off whenever the following requests are made:
The trivial: Let’s pray God give us a rain-free day for the church picnic, or let's pray that Johnny will win the race. I know those things seem important, but are we ready to move heaven and earth to ensure we can have a picnic when farmers around us might desperately need the rain, or another person may need the monetary prize that the winning of the race brings? Are these kinds of prayer the ones that bring glory to God? I know God cares about every little thing, but caring and changing it to conform to our whims are entirely different things. I don’t want my requests to trivialize the awesome gift of prayer.
The selfish: “My son's unit just got called up to go to Afghanistan. Let’s pray that he won’t have to go.” While I can understand the emotion behind the request, it is still misplaced. If he’s in the military why shouldn’t he go? Do we expect only unbelievers to risk their lives on the battlefield? Is it not more correct to pray for his and his units protection?
The impossible: I know all things are possible for God, but are we not spitting into the wind if we think God will make other people act against their will? Does not God say that He will not force a man to go against his will?
The redundant: How many times have we prayed for auntie's arthritis or for Billy's salvation? If we’re making the same request over and over again without any recognizable change, maybe God has something else in mind. Maybe we should pray that God will bring someone across Billy's path that would show him the real Jesus by their example that would cause Billy to will to give his life to Christ.
There are times when people look at christians and say, (and rightly so) “if that is what it is all about then I don't want any part of it”.
The manipulative: Not all prayer requests are directed at God. Sometimes they are just a way to tell the group something that someone is afraid to come out and say. People have used sermons and testimonies to do the same thing!
Is it not better to regard prayer not so much as to how we can get God to do what we want, but a process by which we can discover what God is doing in the circumstances of our life? Those are the prayers God always answers and by involving us, He transforms us in the process. Here are suggestions that we can do to revitalize prayer and provide a simple process people can think through when they pray for each other.
Pray in small groups.
More people praying does not mean that our prayers have a better chance of getting answered. It seems that some of us believe God has a tote board and when the prayer count gets to a certain level we have a better chance of him answering. I do understand why desperate people will try anything, even if it has only a small chance of success, but Jesus made it quite clear that prayer works best when two or three fervent believers focus on it, rather than enlisting large numbers of uninvolved people.
Smaller groups give us time to process someone’s struggle and help identify God’s work, rather than being constrained to pray toward a specific end. Even home-sized groups can be too big for this kind of prayer. It is more effective to break down in groups of two or three where people really know each other and give them the time to explore the situation together.
Place more emphasis on the situation rather than on your request. Yes the request that Billy be saved is noble. But Billy has a will of his own that God will not go against. The process to his salvation may be Jesus living His life through you and causing Billy to want what you have as the love of Christ flows through you.
Instead of asking that your son not be sent to the Afghanistan, share that you’re concerned for your son's safety now that his unit has been called into action. The first doesn’t give people many options. Even if they think your request is a bit selfish, they will mostly go along so as not to offend you. The second allows people the option of praying for your son and his unit or for your concern in a variety of ways.
Look at the situation from God’s perspective.
Before jumping in to request what you want, pause and think what God might want. Most of our prayer requests fit what we think is best and often run counter to what God is actually doing. I love how Peter and John responded to the Pharisees threats that they stop sharing about Jesus or face punishment. Certainly they were frightened, but when they gathered later with other believers to pray, they didn’t pray what would be easiest for them. They could have prayed God would convert the Pharisees the next day or wipe them from the face of the earth. However, they didn’t see either of those options as fitting God’s work in history nor the example of Jesus. Instead, they prayed for boldness to continue to do what God asked even when they know they might well be beaten, imprisoned or executed for it.
Ask God to reveal to you what he is doing in the situation you’re praying about and pause long enough to let him bring thoughts to mind. We need to trust that God can show us what he is doing in each situation we’re involved in, not as a way to shape God, instead of his way to shape us. A group of two or three can easily talk together for a moment to see if anyone has a specific insight about how they could pray for the person or the situation.
We need to pray prayers that flow from a complete trust in God.
Fear is the death of prayer because it is the opposite of trust. If we would be honest with ourselves most of us would agree that most of our praying has been driven by our anxieties and fears. We must realize something in this process. What most enhances our relationship with Jesus is our ability to trust him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. He rarely answered those prayers that ask him to fix our circumstances so that we will need to trust him less. His desire has always been that we would trust him more. Prayers that arise out of our security in his love and our confidence in his nature will always be the most effective. So, when we are fearful or praying for others who are, we need to pray first for the fear, and for a fuller revelation of God’s love for us in the midst of the circumstance before praying for any specific outcome we might want.
We must not play the blame game.
It is easy to think God will answer our prayers if we are good enough. Those who think that way find it easy to blame the person in need when the answer doesn’t come that you expect. I watched my brother degenerate because of the horribleness of Huntington's disease. I prayed for him to be healed and made whole because I was convinced God’s only desire was to heal him But the disease worsened.
In a case like that some people may think that there must be something the ill person was doing wrong to keep God from healing them and may start probing for any weaknesses in the sick one's life. What a horrible thing for anyone, much less someone in need, to endure that kind of scrutiny!
I read of a group praying for an infertile woman who thought that the reason she wasn’t getting pregnant is because her husband wasn’t close enough to God to be a good enough father. As they prayed for him they unwittingly sowed seeds of resentment toward him in his wife’s heart. If God wasn’t giving her a baby until he got his act together, then it was his fault. She blamed him, tried to manipulate him to change and became incredibly frustrated when change in her husband did not happen. I believe they had missed the point. None of us qualify for God’s gifts. If God waited until everyone was ready and know all about parenthood to have a baby, no one would ever have a baby.
Blaming people for unanswered prayer puts the focus in the person instead of on God. It’s a normal reaction. We don’t like to think that catastrophic things can happen to devout believers. But instead of allowing us to support each other in times of crisis, such thinking distances ourselves from others at the time they most need us.
It is important that you are in agreement.
If something specific comes to mind that you think God might want you to pray, ask the person you’re praying for if that sounds right to them. We need to recognize that praying for people is an easy way to manipulate them and, sad to say, that leaders do this and may be unaware of it. Even if the one they were praying for didn’t agree with the prayer, they felt pressure to pretend they did.
By asking permission you accomplish two things. First, they had a chance to share insights and see what God was might be saying. Second, it gave them the freedom to pray when they agreed. If the person being prayed for doesn't agree with the request, set it aside until a greater understanding is known. Then you could pray together in the power of agreement.
Follow up.
Nothing expresses our concern to someone in need more than following up with a phone call a few days later to see how they are doing and what might have happened as a result of our prayers. There is little of this done. Is it because we have so little hope that our prayers will affect much and don’t like to be reminded of that fact. But if the goal is to zero in on what God is doing and see him accomplish his will in our circumstances, then our initial prayer only begins the process.
If nothing has happened since, we can ask God for wisdom. Is he doing something else in this situation other than we thought? Is he teaching us to persevere in what we started? Staying in the process until something is resolved will not only be a blessing in that instance, but will train us for future opportunities in prayer.
Of course, Philippians 4:6 invites us to make our petitions known to God, but it does not tell us to expect him to answer them the way WE want. Scripture and life experience make clear that He is not our fairy godfather, who will wave his magic wand and conform every circumstance to our whim. Real prayer is the process of getting involved with someone’s need, praying as best we understand his work and then staying in the situation until we see his work resolved.
It is a risk to learn to do that well, especially as people pray for each other, but it can lead to some incredible prayers. Teaching people to move beyond their own agenda to touch the heart and passion of God will be a challenge, but they will make your prayer times far more effective and compelling.
I feel we mostly miss the real purpose of prayer -- it is not to get God to do something. He has already freely given us all things that pertain to life and Godliness. (II Peter 1:3) What real prayer is about is building our relationship with the Father and as we build that relationship and grow in knowledge of Him we will realize we already have all we could ever need in the person of His Son, Jesus. As we learn to love and trust Him fully, we no longer have to struggle to get answers to our prayers. We will pray more, "Father glorify yourself prayers."
Prayer is communion with God and it is a means of God fulfilling His purpose on this earth. Let's avail of prayer to glorify the Father and not to appease our wants.
For family devotions a child had just read, “you shall ask the Father anything in my Name and He will give it to you”....”no, no that is not true” said the child. “Most of what we and other people ask for in prayer doesn't get answered.” The child was honest in his assessment that most prayers are not answered, at least not in the way we prayed for.
When you think about it most of what we pray for as a believer or as a body of believers do not seem to get the results asked for. How do we dispel the idea that many people have that prayer is just a wishful notion and not a vital connection to God?
I am sure most of us have heard the pat answers given to us by leaders as to why prayers go unanswered and, if you notice, all the reasons point to some lack in the individuals wanting the answer to a prayer.
Here is where some of the blame for unanswered prayer is pointed. Yes it is a fact that the following can and do hinder our prayer, but is there more to be understood than the deficiencies that follow? Is it always the fault of the person needing the answer as to why the answer does not come or is there some higher reason?
Sin:
Unconfessed sin is diffidently a condition that will cause unanswered prayers. The Word of God makes this principle very clear: `If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened'' (Psalm 66:18). Also, ``But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear'' (Isaiah 59:2). The question is, am I so without sin that I can point it out in someone else's life? Could a sin in the person praying prevent the answer? Yes, once we accept Christ has our Savior out sins are forgiven and cast into the sea of His forgetfulness never to be remembered against us any more. When we sin as a believer, we are to confess it, accept His frogiveness without condemination and come boldy to the throne of grace. Our righeousness is as filthy rage and in and of ourselves we could never be "good" enough to deserve answers to our prayers--it's all about God's love and mercy and His blood applied to our hearts that he sees us as worthy to receive from Him.
Unforgiveness:
There is lot of dislike for each other among believers. This is a sad reality. It is also true that many exploit others in many unjust ways. These kind of wrongs hurt people. They find it difficult to forgive. You may find yourself in such a position as this. If you have unforgiveness in your heart then it is definitely an hindrance to prayer.
Jesus made this principle very clear in the Sermon on the Mount: ``Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors'' (Matthew 6:12). And, ``If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift'' (Matthew 5:23,24).
Lack of Persistence:
There is something to be said for persistence in prayer. God is looking for communication with you that is meaningful. Sometimes we are guilty of trying to use God has a genie and only pray when there is a need. We need to talk with God as we talk to a friend, spend time and bask in His presence and become full of Him. This persistence does not mean to keep begging God to answer our prayer, but persist in prayer so that the life of Christ will fill us and flow from us meeting the needs of humanity.
Doubt:
Jesus told us that doubt is an hinderance to prayer. ``If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer'' (Matthew 21:22). Many pray with many words hoping to be heard. Great speeches in prayer never impress God. Many others ask, but doubt while asking. Such doubts destroy your ability to receive answers to prayer.
James has further amplified this principle: ``But when he asks [you ask], he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does'' (James 1:6--8).
Wrong Motives:
God searches the heart2. He understands every motive behind our thoughts. Therefore He refuses to answer prayers that have wrong motives.
But for us understanding motives is not easy. We get it confused easily. It is therefore very difficult for us to distinguish between pure motives and wrong motives. That is why David prayed: ``Search me, O God, and know my heart'' (Psalm 139:23).
When it comes to prayer, wrong motives can easily dominate our praying. Wrong motives usually come as a result of selfishness. This truth is recorded thus: ``When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures'' (James 4:3).
So when you are confronted with unanswered prayer, ask God to search your heart. And when His searchlight reveals some hidden motive which is wrong, confess it to Him and pray with pure motives.
The best way to ensure that the above hindrances to prayer are not a part of our Christian lifestyle is to be in Christ and in a relational relationship with Him so that it is His life that is lived through us. If it is His life that is living through us, the above hindrances will have no hold on our life, and our desire will be for Him to work things out for His glory. As long as we are content with the rules and regulations of the institutional church, rather than a relational journey with Jesus, the hindrances will always be a part of our lives. You cannot dispel them externally by conforming to some constitution. It will only happen as we become full of him and He lives His life through us. If the “church” you attend encourages this relational journey, then thank God for it.
The list, I am sure, could go on, but I want to look at some other reasons why our prayers may not be answered.
How are we to deal with the multitude of unanswered prayers? Are we praying with the wrong motive, the wrong attitude, dare I ask, are we praying with a lack of understanding of what prayer is about? Is it that We are not abiding in Him and His words are not abiding in us?
Yes, I believe that there are prayers that God will not answer. If there are prayers that God will not answer and we pray for an answer to that prayer, we are guilty of breeding a fatalistic attitude about prayer! We have the inclination to pray for needs and hope for the best. When the best does not happen many people play the blame game. “Whose fault was it that my prayer was not answered?” God did not put the above reasons in the Bible so blame could be laid on somebody. He is lovingly letting us know that theses things are a hindrance to answered prayer and to examine ourselves. We must pray from a place of abiding in Him and He in us; then we will pray His will and He will answer.
Suppose you went to your “minister” and asked him to pray for a situation and his response was “I can't pray for you in the way you want me to.” Well you ask...”what kind of situation would I ask the pastor to pray for that he would not be able to pray with me?”
In most, if not all, cases, I have not heard pastors refuse to pray for a request that is made to them. Maybe they too, do not have a understanding what prayer is about.
Let's look at this situation: Your 18 year old son comes to you and relates that he is moving out of your house and moving into an apartment with his girlfriend. You go to your pastor and fill him in on the situation and asked that he will agree in prayer with you that God will stop your son from doing this sinful deed.
I can understand why you want God to stop him from doing that. I’m wondering, however, that if the pastor prays that way if he will be asking God to violate someone’s will and isn't that more to do with witchcraft than prayer? Would it not be more inline with the will of God to pray that He would reveal himself to your son and let him see clearly the choice he is making. And to pray that God would show you how to trust Him and love your son even if he makes the stupidest mistake of his young life.
Most of the time when prayer requests are offered in a meeting it is usually just before the preacher comes on or after the sermon is over when people are tired. A host of requests are made. Then one person, or a handful of people offer quick prayers until they are all covered. There doesn’t even seem to be much concern in the ensuing days whether God does what was asked of Him or not. “Sometimes He just says no,” we say, shrugging our shoulders in resignation.
Is it proper to pray for things that are not in sync with God’s heart, or we know is not is will? While the exercise of prayer itself may offer some comfort for the moment, doesn't it teach people to try to use God like a genie in a bottle? Warning lights should go off whenever the following requests are made:
The trivial: Let’s pray God give us a rain-free day for the church picnic, or let's pray that Johnny will win the race. I know those things seem important, but are we ready to move heaven and earth to ensure we can have a picnic when farmers around us might desperately need the rain, or another person may need the monetary prize that the winning of the race brings? Are these kinds of prayer the ones that bring glory to God? I know God cares about every little thing, but caring and changing it to conform to our whims are entirely different things. I don’t want my requests to trivialize the awesome gift of prayer.
The selfish: “My son's unit just got called up to go to Afghanistan. Let’s pray that he won’t have to go.” While I can understand the emotion behind the request, it is still misplaced. If he’s in the military why shouldn’t he go? Do we expect only unbelievers to risk their lives on the battlefield? Is it not more correct to pray for his and his units protection?
The impossible: I know all things are possible for God, but are we not spitting into the wind if we think God will make other people act against their will? Does not God say that He will not force a man to go against his will?
The redundant: How many times have we prayed for auntie's arthritis or for Billy's salvation? If we’re making the same request over and over again without any recognizable change, maybe God has something else in mind. Maybe we should pray that God will bring someone across Billy's path that would show him the real Jesus by their example that would cause Billy to will to give his life to Christ.
There are times when people look at christians and say, (and rightly so) “if that is what it is all about then I don't want any part of it”.
The manipulative: Not all prayer requests are directed at God. Sometimes they are just a way to tell the group something that someone is afraid to come out and say. People have used sermons and testimonies to do the same thing!
Is it not better to regard prayer not so much as to how we can get God to do what we want, but a process by which we can discover what God is doing in the circumstances of our life? Those are the prayers God always answers and by involving us, He transforms us in the process. Here are suggestions that we can do to revitalize prayer and provide a simple process people can think through when they pray for each other.
Pray in small groups.
More people praying does not mean that our prayers have a better chance of getting answered. It seems that some of us believe God has a tote board and when the prayer count gets to a certain level we have a better chance of him answering. I do understand why desperate people will try anything, even if it has only a small chance of success, but Jesus made it quite clear that prayer works best when two or three fervent believers focus on it, rather than enlisting large numbers of uninvolved people.
Smaller groups give us time to process someone’s struggle and help identify God’s work, rather than being constrained to pray toward a specific end. Even home-sized groups can be too big for this kind of prayer. It is more effective to break down in groups of two or three where people really know each other and give them the time to explore the situation together.
Place more emphasis on the situation rather than on your request. Yes the request that Billy be saved is noble. But Billy has a will of his own that God will not go against. The process to his salvation may be Jesus living His life through you and causing Billy to want what you have as the love of Christ flows through you.
Instead of asking that your son not be sent to the Afghanistan, share that you’re concerned for your son's safety now that his unit has been called into action. The first doesn’t give people many options. Even if they think your request is a bit selfish, they will mostly go along so as not to offend you. The second allows people the option of praying for your son and his unit or for your concern in a variety of ways.
Look at the situation from God’s perspective.
Before jumping in to request what you want, pause and think what God might want. Most of our prayer requests fit what we think is best and often run counter to what God is actually doing. I love how Peter and John responded to the Pharisees threats that they stop sharing about Jesus or face punishment. Certainly they were frightened, but when they gathered later with other believers to pray, they didn’t pray what would be easiest for them. They could have prayed God would convert the Pharisees the next day or wipe them from the face of the earth. However, they didn’t see either of those options as fitting God’s work in history nor the example of Jesus. Instead, they prayed for boldness to continue to do what God asked even when they know they might well be beaten, imprisoned or executed for it.
Ask God to reveal to you what he is doing in the situation you’re praying about and pause long enough to let him bring thoughts to mind. We need to trust that God can show us what he is doing in each situation we’re involved in, not as a way to shape God, instead of his way to shape us. A group of two or three can easily talk together for a moment to see if anyone has a specific insight about how they could pray for the person or the situation.
We need to pray prayers that flow from a complete trust in God.
Fear is the death of prayer because it is the opposite of trust. If we would be honest with ourselves most of us would agree that most of our praying has been driven by our anxieties and fears. We must realize something in this process. What most enhances our relationship with Jesus is our ability to trust him, no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in. He rarely answered those prayers that ask him to fix our circumstances so that we will need to trust him less. His desire has always been that we would trust him more. Prayers that arise out of our security in his love and our confidence in his nature will always be the most effective. So, when we are fearful or praying for others who are, we need to pray first for the fear, and for a fuller revelation of God’s love for us in the midst of the circumstance before praying for any specific outcome we might want.
We must not play the blame game.
It is easy to think God will answer our prayers if we are good enough. Those who think that way find it easy to blame the person in need when the answer doesn’t come that you expect. I watched my brother degenerate because of the horribleness of Huntington's disease. I prayed for him to be healed and made whole because I was convinced God’s only desire was to heal him But the disease worsened.
In a case like that some people may think that there must be something the ill person was doing wrong to keep God from healing them and may start probing for any weaknesses in the sick one's life. What a horrible thing for anyone, much less someone in need, to endure that kind of scrutiny!
I read of a group praying for an infertile woman who thought that the reason she wasn’t getting pregnant is because her husband wasn’t close enough to God to be a good enough father. As they prayed for him they unwittingly sowed seeds of resentment toward him in his wife’s heart. If God wasn’t giving her a baby until he got his act together, then it was his fault. She blamed him, tried to manipulate him to change and became incredibly frustrated when change in her husband did not happen. I believe they had missed the point. None of us qualify for God’s gifts. If God waited until everyone was ready and know all about parenthood to have a baby, no one would ever have a baby.
Blaming people for unanswered prayer puts the focus in the person instead of on God. It’s a normal reaction. We don’t like to think that catastrophic things can happen to devout believers. But instead of allowing us to support each other in times of crisis, such thinking distances ourselves from others at the time they most need us.
It is important that you are in agreement.
If something specific comes to mind that you think God might want you to pray, ask the person you’re praying for if that sounds right to them. We need to recognize that praying for people is an easy way to manipulate them and, sad to say, that leaders do this and may be unaware of it. Even if the one they were praying for didn’t agree with the prayer, they felt pressure to pretend they did.
By asking permission you accomplish two things. First, they had a chance to share insights and see what God was might be saying. Second, it gave them the freedom to pray when they agreed. If the person being prayed for doesn't agree with the request, set it aside until a greater understanding is known. Then you could pray together in the power of agreement.
Follow up.
Nothing expresses our concern to someone in need more than following up with a phone call a few days later to see how they are doing and what might have happened as a result of our prayers. There is little of this done. Is it because we have so little hope that our prayers will affect much and don’t like to be reminded of that fact. But if the goal is to zero in on what God is doing and see him accomplish his will in our circumstances, then our initial prayer only begins the process.
If nothing has happened since, we can ask God for wisdom. Is he doing something else in this situation other than we thought? Is he teaching us to persevere in what we started? Staying in the process until something is resolved will not only be a blessing in that instance, but will train us for future opportunities in prayer.
Of course, Philippians 4:6 invites us to make our petitions known to God, but it does not tell us to expect him to answer them the way WE want. Scripture and life experience make clear that He is not our fairy godfather, who will wave his magic wand and conform every circumstance to our whim. Real prayer is the process of getting involved with someone’s need, praying as best we understand his work and then staying in the situation until we see his work resolved.
It is a risk to learn to do that well, especially as people pray for each other, but it can lead to some incredible prayers. Teaching people to move beyond their own agenda to touch the heart and passion of God will be a challenge, but they will make your prayer times far more effective and compelling.
I feel we mostly miss the real purpose of prayer -- it is not to get God to do something. He has already freely given us all things that pertain to life and Godliness. (II Peter 1:3) What real prayer is about is building our relationship with the Father and as we build that relationship and grow in knowledge of Him we will realize we already have all we could ever need in the person of His Son, Jesus. As we learn to love and trust Him fully, we no longer have to struggle to get answers to our prayers. We will pray more, "Father glorify yourself prayers."
Prayer is communion with God and it is a means of God fulfilling His purpose on this earth. Let's avail of prayer to glorify the Father and not to appease our wants.
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